Well you just knocked out one
more. Well done!
Now let's move on to the final inventory - THE SEX
Read from the bottom paragraph on pg 68 thru 71. Keep in
mind Bill give you an overview and then recaps it at the end. But just
like before, he leaves things in the dark alot here too.
start on pg 69 at the second paragraph
We reviewed our own conduct over
the years past. And just like before, we need to start listing the names.
I don't know about you, but I can't remember half of them. I can remember
scattered details tho.
That will work he said. What ever works for you
just put it down.
Ok so we got our list, I tell my guys to go back
to your very first crush in elementary school and work forward if you can.
You'll remember more if you have you year books. Flip thru it if you have
Once you have the names down.. you are given a set of questions to
answer here they are.
Notice Bill does not brake em down he just loops them
all together here in order to save of print cost.
My sponsor had me write em
out like so.
1. Where had I been SELFISH
2. Where had I been
3 Where had I been INCONSIDERATE
4 Whom had I
5 Did I unjustifiably arouse JEALOUSY
6 Did I
unjustifiably arouse SUSPICION
7 Did I unjustifiably
He then had me put down a few lines explaining
each answer - the "how so" answer.
8.Where was I fault
Next he had me look at how I could change this for the
9. What should have I done instead
got that finished we looked at for any patterns. I was shocked to find
quite a few.
I even saw how the fear had played right into this area of my
life as well when I looked at it.
Once we got the girlfriend's out of the
way he had me do the same thing (again, this is how I was taught)
it's RELATIONSHIPS, AND THEN SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS two sperate areas in the first
set of instructions. So we had to list the "relationships I have with people"
using the same list as above. Now this list of names was anyone other than
a sex partner. Egad's, do you know how many names that's going to
be? yep.. any suggestions? Group em. School, Work, Friends,
Recovery people, what ever works. If you find one name that stands out the
most, list it separately in that area and we'll talk about it when we get there.
Ok I can do this.. It took me some time to get it down but man alive I
really saw a pattern developing quickly here too.
Once that was done. We
went back to the book again and read the next instruction on the bottom of
WE MUST (strong words there and no getting around that one) be
WILLING to make amends where we have done harm.
PROVIDED that we do NOT bring
about still more harm in doing so - in the 9th step it says except when to do so
would injure them or others. That's what that section of the step is
On page 70, it gives us a recap and information on how to
best conduct ourselves in the future. Be sure to read and underline the
changes you should make in your ways. It suggests we talk to other people
But God is to be the Judge. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice - we let god
have control of it.
in the top paragraph, he talks about relapsing,
will we drink again.. some think so. The reason being, either you or the
other party will be hurt, and become resentful and remorseful over that
situation. That's why you'll often hear that new people should not get involved
in a relationship for at least a year. Can you handle a major emotional upset
right now? Odds are no. Is it fair to the other person that you place that
stress on them? Definitely not. So play it smart, stay focused on
you, and your program for now.
We now know our patterns when we make
We can see what we like, and dislike about people place and
We can see how our actions have hurt more than we could have ever
And we now know how to look upon them - as sick individuals
we are beginning to see how Faith is doing for us what we could not.
hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked
you off from him.
Now sit down review all your lists.. did you get that ugly
banana out of that trash can, well get that down now before you do anything
else. Then call your sponsor and let them know how you're
See wasn't that bad after all huh? You found you're just as
screwed up as the rest of us. But that too can be changed with a little faith.
Well done Grasshopper! You've just finished the 4th step.
MOVE ON TO STEP 5